Men’s Role in Stopping Violence — For All

Men’s Role in Stopping Violence — For All - theHumm January 2023

By Fern Martin

The prevalence and persistence of femicide is a disturbing reality of Canadian society. Who can forget the country’s harshest awakening to its presence on December 6, 1989, when a man murdered 14 women at Montreal’s École Polytechnique? Decades later and much closer to home, on September 22, 2015, a man murdered three women — Carol Culleton, Nathalie Warmerdam and Anastasia Kuzyk — in our neighbouring Renfrew County, a brutal reminder that the danger continues and that ending it will require massive will and effort.

After my previous column in theHumm, I received an email from a male friend. He wrote, “I am ignorant, unknowing, have no idea. I need to get involved”. Reaching the level of awareness that compels someone to take action is the crucial first step, but where to go after that? What are some practical ways to follow through on that desire? The recent Renfrew County Coroner’s Inquest into the murders of those three women resulted in 86 jury recommendations. Number 25 is especially significant to my friend’s issue. It outlines how education is a key part of making real change.

Julie S. Lalonde was one of the presenters at the What Now Lanark County event on Friday, December 9. For many years Julie has provided Bystander Intervention Training to a multitude of men, women and youth. The idea is to encourage individuals who witness sexual harassment to take a stand by supporting the victim and challenging the abuser. Google Julie’s name and you will find a short course on the subject. Better yet, take one of her in-person courses if the opportunity is available to you.

Consider how language can impact interactions and perceptions. I have a personal example. In conversation one day, while commenting about someone being “less than generous”, I used a word that my co-worker immediately pointed out was racist. Instead of being defensive, I welcomed the favour she did for me. I had often used that word without realizing the negative connotations it holds and the effect it can have.

As further illustration of the importance of language, one day I made lists of the derogatory names women and men are called… and the women’s list was significantly longer. While there are those who disdainfully dismiss this issue as mere “political correctness”, I rather think this dehumanization is the basis of most abuse. In my work at Lanark County Interval House, I learned that the abuser rarely uses his partner’s name, and instead calls her many of the names found on that list.

I have become aware that those names, and even threats of death, can be used by anonymous abusers on social media to target any woman who has a public image; be they a politician of any level, a reporter, a health care professional, etc. Instead of being silent virtual bystanders, I suggest that, as a way to balance this abuse and be a needed force for good on social media, we could take the time to send positive messages to those women whose work we admire and thank them for their dedication to their jobs.

Another way to become involved is by getting to know someone already working to decrease violence in our county, to see why, what and how they contribute to the effort. A good example of a local man making a difference is Bill Janes, who lives near Union Hall. A willing recruit, he started volunteering at Interval House many years ago. Our goal in approaching Bill was to show boys living at the shelter that there are gentle men, a simple but potentially life-changing idea. On a Sunday afternoon he would play with them in the shelter’s backyard, take them for walks in the country, or go to the bowling alley. Most of the boys loved these opportunities.

Bill, at that time a carpenter and now a retired mental health nurse, remains very involved in the community, including with the Stir It Up Collective, a group that offers comprehensive support to women who are recovering from sex trafficking. As sad as it is to contemplate, young women in the area are in great danger from human trafficking — shockingly, the Ottawa area has one of the highest rates of this abuse in Canada.

Bill is also involved with the Moose Hide Campaign, a grassroots movement of Indigenous and non-Indigenous men and boys who are standing up against violence towards women and children. Wearing its moose hide tag signifies your commitment to honour, respect and protect the women and children in your life.

Finding and adopting appropriate actions to stop men from assaulting and killing women can feel daunting and difficult to contemplate, but bear in mind that men are also in danger from abusive and violent men. In fact, many more Canadian men than women are murdered each year — almost three times as many. The homicide statistics for 2021 show that 586 men and boys were murdered versus 197 women and girls. Solving the problem of male aggression and violence will have an even broader societal impact than we might have originally imagined.

Related to this, it was heartening to see a number of the world’s men’s soccer teams competing in Qatar use what means they could to protest human rights abuses and show support for LGBTQ2+ rights as well as the safety of women in that region and other parts of the world. Even small gestures can make a difference, especially when the eyes of the world are on us.

My friend who is determined to become part of a positive change in our community will come to learn that there are many ways to gain the awareness, knowledge and tools needed to make a difference. In fact, I must congratulate Lanark County Council for demonstrating its own willingness to effect and encourage change by becoming the first municipality in Ontario to name intimate partner violence as an epidemic, adopting the first recommendation of the previously mentioned Coroner’s Inquest into the triple murders in Renfrew County. Erin Lee, Executive Director of Interval House and Community Support brought the idea of the motion to council and it was wholeheartedly adopted.

One more thing. The What Now Lanark County group is busy organizing a conference to be held at Almonte District High School in May. (It’s not too early to mark your calendars!) The conference will consist of many speakers and workshops on issues facing women and men, including femicide and climate change. Julie S. Lalonde has already been booked to present her Bystander Intervention Training course. You can also look forward to a concert the evening before at the Civitan Hall.

Carolyne Buchanan — Every Day’s a Dog Day - theHumm January 2023

By Sally Hansen

Art… and Soul

And that’s a good thing at Hounds of The Hood Studio at Carolyne Buchanan’s art-festooned home in Carleton Place. This multitalented artist has a mission — to popularize “dog art” to the status of “real art.” On Carolyne’s canvasses, it definitely is.

Why do we tend to dismiss dog portraits as less “real” than portraits of people? For many wo/men, their dog is easily their best friend. Over time their pets’ expressions communicate as effectively as words, and they are never as hur......

Men’s Role in Stopping Violence — For All - theHumm January 2023