Pudding the Spirit into the Holidays

Pudding the Spirit into the Holidays - theHumm December 2019

By Sebastian Weetabix

Weetabix, always vigilant in matters of food, recently learned of a threat to Mississippi Mills’ holiday food supplies. Additional research and some original development work in the deservedly obscure Weetabix test kitchen may have yielded countermeasures, as yet largely untested. The help of his loyal readers is requested. With what and how will become clear. This article delves into details that can be sticky. Our readers must pull their weight — or at least their puddings!

“Puddings? Weight??”, the Editor asks. And so to the plot: A certain green being has been the victim of fake news, disinformation, social media trolling and just plain xenophobia. For years, a fat guy with a red suit has taken all the credit for the generous spirit of the Holiday Season; but are not the traditional colours red AND green? Time to duct tape facts together! The essential clue (or perhaps a clew) that ties things together may be an emaciated figure searching cupboards and finding only a can of “Who Hash”. Better than nothing, but hardly festive. So why Mississippi Mills? And what can be done? Is it possible that part of the problem is simply malnutrition and that the growth of hearts is just a matter of properly presented calories?

A solution to antisocial behavior is supported by some evidence:

Punitive justice is not an efficient mechanism for behavior modification. Puddings, on the other hand, have a tradition of producing somewhat anergic contentment and feelings of well-being. They are part of many festive traditions and play an important and underappreciated role in caulking draughty gaps in our social interactions. That is one of the reasons the other hand (the one holding pudding) is sticky. We press on. Antisocial behavior may be a cry of distress caused by inadequate nutrition. Weetabix advises the residents of Mississippi Mills to take prompt remedial action which can deliver significant benefits in many other ways. Make puddings! Distribute puddings! Eat puddings!

But wait — what is a pudding and what are the properties that distinguish puddings? Wikipedia disappoints: “a type of food that can be either a dessert or a savoury dish that is part of the main meal”. Pudding as savoury dishes brings on memories of boudin blanc served in a traditional Christmas feast in France. Boudin blanc may also provide the root word for pudding. This brings us to the greatest savoury pudding of all and one that is part of the rich ethnic history of the Ottawa Valley.

Yes, dear reader, we have arrived at the ultimate in savoury puddings, subject of jokes and of reverence. To Weetabix’ knowledge, the only pudding to be celebrated in verse and ceremonial slicing. The star dish of supper on Robert Burns Day (January 25 in 2020) is haggis. Burns’ Ode to a Haggis says it all: “…. Great chieftain o the puddin’-race! Aboon them a’ ye tak your place.” Skeptics may become converts if they can manage to get a taste of a well-made haggis. Haggis may not be calming, particularly if accompanied by the sounds of bagpipes; maybe it is the meat. Diligent sleuthing by Weetabix has found a recipe for vegan haggis for those tempted to apostasy: bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/vegan-haggis . We await reports from survivors.

So, what is it about sweet puddings that sets them apart from cakes, pies, cookies, and other food forms? In a word: texture. More accurately, organoleptic properties. Puddings are defined by the sensory space between soft, viscous and sticky, with flavours that are reminiscent of our earliest memories of food-derived pleasure. Just as colours have multiple dimensions, mouth-feel needs to be viewed in multiple dimensions. It is actually distinct from taste. Nobody confuses cake with pudding. There are many varieties of pudding-cake; but no matter how well crafted, a delicate confection with refined flavours and crunch does not have pudding’s soul-satisfying capacity to induce feelings of well-being.

Recipes are devoted to the transformation of bread into puddings — all add significant amounts of sugar and fat. Some incorporate fruits or jams — but all avoid a greasy texture while loading as much sugar and fat as possible into the smallest space. Puddings are not light!

And so, back to our green marauder — clearly what he kneads is a pudding. It has been said that he subsists on “sawdust and potatoes”. Taking a trusty rip-saw in hand, Weetabix set to making sawdust from a block of parmesan cheese and went in search guidance for a potato pudding. The simplest required a bit of butter and an egg as well. A boiled and mashed potato with butter and egg plus parmesan sawdust is not bad… but lacks a true pudding feel. Push the boundaries further. Add a bit more butter, sugar, flour, eggs and cream to the potato base, whip it and flavour with some vanilla, and a more generous amount of parmesan sawdust. Bake until it sets and cool so the Green One will not burn his fingers. Top with maple syrup, leave in plain sight… and watch his heart grow.

Happy New Year!

Congratulations!

Kudos to Chef Ian Carswell of Black Tartan Kitchen in Carleton Place blacktartankitchen.com , who recently won the Ottawa edition of Canada’s Great Kitchen Party, the event known in past years as Gold Medal Plates. Haggis fans take note: the Black Tartan dinner menu lists “Scott-ish” pie as an appetizer…

Happy Local Holidays! - theHumm December 2019

By Kris and Rob Riendeau

Here at theHumm we’re big on local economies. The retail and service businesses in the small towns that we cover play a huge role in the cultural life of those towns. Each store, restaurant, or small enterprise attracts and serves a particular clientele — some inside the community, some from outside. Some businesses host their own special events; others join together with local festivals to make the whole experience more vibrant. Many provide support in cash or in kind to local initiatives. A healthy local economy is an essential component to a healthy community.

It is with this in mi......

Pudding the Spirit into the Holidays - theHumm December 2019